Monday, April 23, 2012

life unexpexted

Sometime life is just unexpected..It been a long time ive never see K...and i hope not to see K again...it quite difficult to forgot what K was doing to me back almost 10 years ago..I rase,it just too much for me to see K surround without any feeling...It too much..But cerita lama kadang2 let it be secret.But honestly i can't..K is my feeling,K is my heart,K is my hope(i mean 10 years ago)...and until now,neither i have someone that love me so well,the truth is, love sometime we cannot deny it..How far we avoiding it,i will closer and closer,How we wonder and not to remember about that,it come close and close...But honestly,i can't admit that...I love K so much,i miss all the way K represent.I miss K's smell..I miss everything about K..even my heart sound like how i hate K..


I dan K broke up after K finished high school..No letter,nothing about K i has heard.Mungkin it just my feeling.I yang terasa syok sendiri..I letakkan dia di tempat yang paling istimewa..Ok itu cerita 10 tahun yang lepas..I almost forgot about it..Tetapi recently back to my hometown..singgah satu r&r dekat something place near sungai gantang??..sorry lupa..i tergesa2 menuju lah ke surau nak solat zohor cause it almost 4 at that time...so i just staring at one face that i really know better...Ok K smile at me,and i just..OMG..is that you K?...


I cakap pada dia yang i perlu solat dahulu and i let K waiting outside.So that we can talk after that...After last moment that K had visit me at alor star,ive never espected to c K again..i anggap,there nothing between us anymore...because i don't wanna be cheating with F.. eventhough i knew that F always cheating and lying to me..


After pray,K waiting outside and i just smile without any conversation..i x tahu nak cakap apa..pandang dia je pun i tak berani..how can i see K here..what K doing here?...


K is not like the one that i know before...itu lah yang i cakap,life is just unexpected..K lengkap beruniform PLUS highway dan dia berniaga buah dekat salah satu kiosk kat situ with partner.dengan berpakaian selekeh..orite..that too much for me...!!


dia tak sepatutnye begitu...takkan itu pengakhiran hidup dia..takkan itu penyudah timeline hidup dia..no...dia masih muda...a lot of thing that K need to discover..Not just being there and selling fruit..No actually there nothing with that occupation..but at least,camne nak cakap ye...dia sepatutnye enjoy dia punya hidup as much...bukan dengan to early dah berkahwin and ada anak,and live almost everyday at r&r tersebut..


I just tak tahu nak cakap apa..terkelu sangat..bukan i nak blame jual buah tu such a waste,no...but life dia tak sepatutnye begitu...being in relationship and hanya menunggu waktu tua menghampiri..OMG.dia ada rupa,masih muda dan dia ada something yang boleh buat orang tergila-gilakan dia...why must ended with jual buah dekat r&r...ok mungkin kita tak jangka itulah nasib hidup kita akhirnya...



Dear K,
Please listen to me..I wonder how u made a mistake...don't pretend that you are happy with your life now..no you are not...i mean it..i know you more that you partner know you...i know how you suffer with your situation...u just still young,there a lot of challenging outside that need you to take part..macam2 lagi kehidupan di luar sana yang menanti..tapi you dah pilih jalan yang macam tu..so there nothing you can do..you dah terikat dengan hubungan yang kekal dah halal...i cuma mampu doakan yang you akan baik2 sahaja walaupun you deserve more that that..


No,for me i dah rancang hidup i dengan baik dan i berharap moga,jalan hidup yang i pilih itu akan menjamin masa depan i dan memberi kepuasan kepada i.i dah susun timeline hidup i,dan i harap timeline itu tidak berubah..


There a lot to discover,mungkin ada orang cakap,we can discover with our wife or husband after that...no for me kepuasan hidup itu,when kita dah capai after kita puas dengan apa yang kita lakukan without terikat dengan someone else...


kadang2 i just kesian with some of my friend yang dah kawin..no bukan salah nak kawin tu..tapi takkan la pada usia yang sangat muda..maybe nafsu yang sukar dikawal ke ape ke i don't know lah..but selagi u got a change to enjoy why not...believe me,u can't have that moment when you are married.


Being single,i mean for a moment,it just nice,on that time,u can do anything..(selagi tak melampaui batas)..i tak berapa suka dengan lelaki yang kawin seawal 22-23..it just waste..believe me,you will be regret after that,maybe u takkan tunjuk,but i know that you feel it..i know that you really want to hang out with your close friend anytime anywhere...Some of my friend,not to close lah,kawin seawal 21..so then mungkin a first year of married,tak terasa,but after that barulah dia kenal yang sesetengah perkara membataskan dia...tambah2 lagi bila ada anak sorang dua...how you can manage it...setiap hari i dengar dia mengeluh,pasal family,pasal duit,pasal kerja...yup you deserve to mengeluh2 apa semua tu..dah sapa suruh pilih jalan yang macam tu...people like that sometime such a waste nak nasihat pun...dia akan blame kita balik,dah jodoh,nak buat camne...


Yup kalau cakap dah jodoh,so jadi janganlah mengeluh..jodoh tu cuma subjective..yang mencorakkannye tu engkau..think smart..kalau you fikir at your age at 22,think about your future,think about you education,think about your financial,think about your responsibility,think about your material,property...believe me yang you takkan terasa nak kawin on that time..!!




whatever!!!



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